Update on my Mother

My mother had her heart test today. The doctors found two blockages. They 

will

 have no choice but to do the brain surgery and remove as much of the tumor 

possible. Then six weeks later, she will have to have heart surgery. So her 

heart

 is not the strongest for the brain surgery, so it will be considered high risk

 operation. If they were to attempt to fix her heart first, then it would be 

likely

 for blood to bleed into the brain and well, you know the result of that. We all 

are very worried and scared for her. SHe thinks God sent her to all these

 doctors for a reason. Before all this she practically gave up on life, and not

 being faced with possibly not being able to see more grandchildren or spend

 time with her loved ones, she has seen it as God opening  a door to a new

 world for her, and without this help, she would of never known about the 

heart problems. Which concludes the fact all things happen for a reason. No 

matter how bad they are, God always has a plan for you. Please continue to 

pray for her. Thank you and I will keep you updated.

Why Choose Cloth Diapers over Disposable:

This is why I choose to use cloth diapers. Not many people are aware that we use 

them for our children, and I thought I would post this to encourage and 

persuade each mother to choose Cloth over Disposable. My husband still to

 today argues that Disposable are easier, but I always throw this his way and he

 shuts up. Please read and don't take anything lightly. Cloth is the way to go..

 and it really isn't harder than disposables. Trust me, I have two kids. The only

 difference is... instead of taking out smelly trash; you wash them and reuse 

them. And if your worried about the poo and cloth, as it states in this article "on 

the disposable diaper packages you are to dump the poo into the toilet before 

discarding the disposable diaper." So you can;t say it's an extra step ;)

REAL DIAPER ASSOCIATION - DIAPER FACTS

Why choose cloth diapers?  There are so many reasons.  Cloth diapers are soft against your baby’s skin.  Cloth diapers are also free of the many chemicals contained in disposable diapers. Our common sense tells us that cloth diapers are the ultimate in recycling because they are used again and again, not entering a landfill until they are nothing but rags. Of course, some people want more than this common sense approach--they want facts. Here are a few well-documented facts to help inform your choice. We will add more information as we gather it. Stay tuned.

Please note that the text posted below is copyrighted, and as such, is not available for publication on other websites. However, we do welcome a link to the Real Diaper Facts page from your website. Since we update this page anytime we find new and updated facts, it is more beneficial to link directly to the page so that the latest information is always available.

Want to print out these facts to hand out? Click here to download a copy. The PDF version of this document may be freely distributed through electronic or print forms provided that it is the latest version available at the time, unedited and distributed in its entirety, including this notice.

Are you interested in joining RDA?  To begin the membership process, please click here.

Health

Disposable diapers contain traces of Dioxin, an extremely toxic by-product of the paper-bleaching process.  It is a carcinogenic chemical, listed by the EPA as the most toxic of all cancer-linked chemicals.  It is banned in most countries, but not the U.S..¹

Disposable diapers contain Tributyl-tin (TBT) - a toxic pollutant known to cause hormonal problems in humans and animals.²

Disposable diapers contain sodium polyacrylate, a type of super absorbent polymer (SAP), which becomes a gel-like substance when wet. A similar substance had been used in super-absorbency tampons until the early 1980s when it was revealed that the material increased the risk of toxic shock syndrome by increasing absorbency and improving the environment for the growth of toxin-producing bacteria.³

In May 2000, the Archives of Disease in Childhood published research showing that scrotal temperature is increased in boys wearing disposable diapers, and that prolonged use of disposable diapers will blunt or completely abolish the physiological testicular cooling mechanism important for normal spermatogenesis.¹⁸

Environment

In 1988, over 18 billion diapers were sold and consumed in the United States that year.⁴  Based on our calculations (listed below under "Cost: National Costs"), we estimate that 27.4 billion disposable diapers are consumed every year in the U.S.¹³

The instructions on a disposable diaper package advice that all fecal matter should be deposited in the toilet before discarding, yet less than one half of one percent of all waste from single-use diapers goes into the sewage system.⁴

Over 92% of all single-use diapers end up in a landfill.⁴

In 1988, nearly $300 million dollars were spent annually just to discard disposable diapers, whereas cotton diapers are reused 50 to 200 times before being turned into rags.⁴

No one knows how long it takes for a disposable diaper to decompose, but it is estimated to be about 250-500 years, long after your children, grandchildren and great, great, great grandchildren will be gone.⁵

Disposable diapers are the third largest single consumer item in landfills, and represent about 4% of solid waste.  In a house with a child in diapers, disposables make up 50% of household waste.⁵

Disposable diapers generate sixty times more solid waste and use twenty times more raw materials, like crude oil and wood pulp.³

The manufacture and use of disposable diapers amounts to 2.3 times more water wasted than cloth.³

Over 300 pounds of wood, 50 pounds of petroleum feedstocks and 20 pounds of chlorine are used to produce disposable diapers for one baby EACH YEAR.⁶

In 1991, an attempt towards recycling disposable diapers was made in the city of Seattle, involving 800 families, 30 day care centers, a hospital and a Seattle-based recycler for a period of one year. The conclusion made by Procter & Gamble was that recycling disposable diapers was not an economically feasible task on any scale.¹⁷

Dryness and Rash

The most common reason for diaper rash is excessive moisture against the skin.¹⁹

Newborns should be changed every hour and older babies every 3-4 hours, no matter what kind of diaper they are wearing.²⁰

At least half of all babies will exhibit rash at least once during their diapering years.²⁰

Diaper rash was almost unheard of before the use of rubber or plastic pants in the 1940s.²¹

There is no significant difference between cloth and disposables when it comes to diaper rash.²²

There are many reasons for rash, such as food allergies, yeast infections, skin sensitivity, chafing, and chemical irritation. Diaper rash can result from the introduction of new foods in older babies. Some foods raise the frequency of bowel movements which also can irritate. Changes in a breastfeeding mother's diet may alter the baby's stool, causing rash.¹⁹

Cost

We estimate that each baby will need about 6,000 diapers⁷ during the first two⁸ years of life.  The following estimates are based on prices in San Francisco, California.

Disposables.  For these calculations, let's assume that a family needs about 60 diapers a week.  In the San Francisco Bay area, disposable diapers cost roughly 23¢ per store-brand diaper and 28¢ for name-brand.  This averages to 25.5¢ per diaper.  Thus the average child will cost about $1,600 to diaper for two years in disposable diapers, or about $66 a month⁹.

Diaper Services.  Subscribing to a diaper services costs between $13 and $17 each week depending on how many diapers a family decides to order.  Let's assume the family spends roughly $15 a week for 60 diapers a week.  This equals $780 annually and averages to $65 a month.  Over the course of two years, the family will spend about $1500 per baby, roughly the same cost as disposables, depending on what type of covers are purchased and what type of wipes are used.  If one adds in the cost of disposable wipes for either diapering system, the costs increase.

Cloth Diapers.  For cloth diapering, each family will probably need about 6 dozen diapers¹⁰.  The cost of cloth diapering can vary considerably, from as low as $300 for a basic set-up of prefolds and covers¹¹, to $1000 or more for organic cotton fitted diapers and wool covers.  Despite this large price range, it should be possible to buy a generous mix of prefolds and diaper covers for about $300, most of which will probably last for two children.  This means the cost of cloth diapering is about one tenth the cost of disposables¹², and you can spend even less by using found objects (old towels & T-shirts).

National Costs.  According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there were about 19 million children under four in 2000.  We could probably assume that there are about 9.5 million children under two and therefore in diapers at any one time.  Based on previous studies, we estimate that 5-10% of babies wear cloth diapers at least part time.  We will average these figures to 7.5% of babies in cloth diapers and 92.5% in disposables.  This means that about 8.8 million babies in the U.S. are using 27.4 billion disposable diapers every year¹³.

Based on these calculations, if we multiply the 8.8 million babies in disposable diapers by an average cost of $800 a year, we find that Americans spend about 7 billion dollars on disposable diapers every year.  If every one of those families switched to home-laundered cloth prefold diapers, they would save more than $6 billion¹⁴, enough to feed about 2.5 million American children for an entire year¹⁵.  Coincidentally, the 2002 U.S. Census reveals that 2.3 million children under 6 live in poverty¹⁶.

Tax Savings.  In some specific circumstances, when cloth diapers have been prescribed for the treatment of a disease, tax savings may be available through the use of flexible spending accounts and medical expense deductions. This could represent a 10% - 35% savings on the cost of diapers depending on the family's tax rate.²³

---

Sources

¹ Allsopp, Michelle.  Achieving Zero Dioxin: An emergency strategy for dioxin elimination.  September 1994.  Greenpeace. http://archive.greenpeace.org/toxics/reports/azd/azd.html

² Greenpeace.  New Tests Confirm TBT Poison in Procter & Gamble's Pampers: Greenpeace Demands World-Wide Ban of Organotins in All Products. 15 May 2000.
http://archive.greenpeace.org/pressreleases/toxics/2000may152.html

³ Armstrong, Liz and Adrienne Scott   Whitewash: Exposing the Health and Environmental Dangers of Women's Sanitary Products and Disposable Diapers, What You Can Do About It. 1993. HarperCollins.

⁴ Lehrburger, Carl. 1988. Diapers in the Waste Stream: A review of waste management and public policy issues. 1988. Sheffield, MA: self-published.

⁵ Link, Ann.  Disposable nappies: a case study in waste prevention.  April 2003.  Women's Environmental Network.

⁶ Lehrburger, C., J. Mullen and C.V. Jones. 1991.  Diapers: Environmental Impacts and Lifecycle Analysis.  Philadelphia, PA: Report to The National Association of Diaper Services (NADS). 

⁷ Average of 8 changes per day over 2 years (8x365x2=5,840)

⁸ We are using 2 as the average age of transition from diapers to toilet use.

 ⁹ 60x52x$0.255=$795.60, or $800.  $800x2years=$1,600.  $1,600÷24=$66 per month.

¹⁰ 3 dozen each in two sizes accommodates most babies

¹¹ 6 dozen prefolds at an average of $2.16 each and 16 covers at $8.50 each ((72x$2.16)+(12x$8.50)=$292)

¹² $300÷2 children = $150 per child.  Compare to $1,600 per child for disposables

¹³ 8.8 million x 60 x 52 = 27.4 billion

¹⁴ Cloth diapering is 90% cheaper.  90% of $7 billion is $6.3 billion.

¹⁵ Food costs calculated at $2,475 per child per year or $6.78 per child per day for 3 meals and 2 snacks.  Costs based on U.S. Department of Agriculture Food and Nutrition Service, Child and Adult Care Food Program.  Figures current as of July 2003.  http://www.fns.usda.gov/cnd/Care/CACFP/cacfpfaqs.htm

¹⁶ Percent of People in Poverty by Definition of Income and Selected Characteristics: 2002 (Revised). http://www.census.gov/hhes/poverty/poverty02/r&dtable5.html

¹⁷Stone, Janis and Sternweis, Laura. Consumer Choice -- Diaper Dilemma. Iowa Sate University - University Extension. ID.# 1401. 1994.
http://www.rockwellcollins.com/daycare/pdf/pm1401.pdf

¹⁸C-J Partsch, M Aukamp, W G Sippell Scrotal temperature is increased in disposable plastic lined nappies. Division of Paediatric Endocrinology, Department of Paediatrics, Christian-Albrechts- University of Kiel, Schwanenweg 20, D-24105 Kiel, Germany. Arch Dis Child 2000;83:364-368.
Click here or go to http://adc.bmjjournals.com and search by the title of the study.

¹⁹ Boiko, S. 1997. Diapers and diaper rashes. February 1, 1997. Dermatology Nursing.

²⁰ Shin, H.T. 2005. Diaper dermatitis that does not quit. Dermatologic Therapy, 18: 124-135.

²¹ Weiner, F. 1979. The relationship of diapers to diaper rashes in the one-month-old infant. The Journal of Pediatrics, 95: 422-424.

²² Stein, H. 1982. Incidence of diaper rash when using cloth and disposable diapers The Journal of Pediatrics, 101: 721-723.

²³Internal Revenue Service. December 9, 2008. Publication 502, Medical and Dental Expenses

Lost Memories... or Not.

The doctors have said my grandfather has lost his mind. I have always considered it “information overload“. He has lived for almost one hundred years. That’s almost a hundred years of information and memories. Everyone has trouble dealing with my grandfather. They get annoyed from having to run him down the road. He just gets bored. It isn’t his fault. He was always a busy-body, ever since he was a child. He may not remember my name, but he has that fiery ambition to do something every second of the day. That’s when I volunteered to sit with him once a week and use the gardening skills he taught me 13 years ago. Well, we didn’t sit…

            I went to my grandfathers with seeds and gardening supplies. I got the keys to the plow to ready the dirt for planting. I used it to stir the dirt up and make it soft and easy to work with. My grandfather went in straight lines and made a perfect rectangle, and mine were, well, not a rectangle at all. He was sure to tell me so. We went out to start some busy work. Funny, how he remembered what a garden should look like. Next, we sorted the seeds. We had onion bulbs, tomato plants, peppers, potatoes, squash, and cucumbers. After deciding where we wanted them, we started to plant. As we were digging the holes, about 10-12 inches deep depending on the root or seed, he started to talk about his past. He was telling me stories of when he was a young boy and he used to grow tomatoes, load them into a wagon, and sell them around town. As he grew older and married my grandmother, they both then cared for the garden. Even after having two children, selling vegetables in town was their only income. It amazed me how selling vegetables through town paid for their house, car, and other needs. We placed the onion bulbs down into the holes. My grandfather immediately grabbed the back hoe and started to cover the holes. He said to me, “Don’t pack the dirt on top, lightly cover it, and keep it as natural as possible.”

            After finishing the all the vegetables except the potatoes, he went on into another story. He told me so many things of his childhood, and adult hood, and yet he didn’t remember what my name was, constantly asking me who I was. It hurt a little. I used to practically live with my grandparents every summer and weekend. We dug the holes for the potatoes. “Be sure to place the root down,” he said. He then, picked up the back hoe after we were finished, and covered the holes lightly, not packed. When we were done, we stepped back. Our garden looked like a professional garden on a magazine cover. I then walked my grandfather back inside. We ate soup beans and corn bread for dinner. “I wish those onions we planted were grown and ready to eat with this,” he said. How could he remember us in the garden? He hasn’t remembered anything else before. Then it was time for me to leave.

            The following week, I went back to my grandfathers. In hopes of him remembering me, he still continued to ask my name. My grandmother said that he kept looking out the window at the garden all week. It had not rained yet, and he told her it looked too dry. So, he and I walked to the garden, hooked up a hose to the water well, and started to water the garden. “Not too much water or you’ll drown it,” he told me. After the garden was watered to his satisfaction, we went back in for dinner. Again, soup beans and cornbread. “I wish those onions we planted were grown and ready to eat with us,” he repeated as last time. He still didn’t remember my name. I helped him into his hospital bed, kissed him goodnight, and told him I would see him next week at the same time.

            I continued to visit and about a month had passed. I arrived with stakes, which are large wooden poles and some yarn for the tomato plants. They had started to flop over and needed added support. We ventured up to the garden with our supplies for the tomatoes. My grandfather placed them each next to the plant as I used the mallet to hammer the stakes down into the ground. After each stake was placed, we then took the yarn and tied the plant up to each stake. All the vegetables were looking great, soon they would need to be harvested. We gone back into the house to eat our soup beans and cornbread. Again, my grandfather mentioned the onions. Finishing our food, he started to talk about a photo of him and a 1920 car. After selling vegetables as a child and young adult, prices of living increased, he started to work at Garland Tires. He knew how to work on every type of engine. They walked me out to my car that night, and my car made a funny noise for a while. He then told me to have the belt in the engine checked. My grandfather is almost blind, his hearing is nearly gone, and he has been having memory failure. How could he know this? I did take it in and told them what he had said. Sure enough, it was a lose belt in the engine.

            Luckily, the next week the onions were ready to be eaten. We walked up to the garden with a basket in each of our hands. We pulled up the onions, picked the tomatoes, dug up the potatoes, and gathered the rest of the ripe vegetables. He kept asking me who I was. He said that that year’s garden was the best he had ever seen. Keep in mind he is half blind. After gathering our hard work, we went inside for our usual soup beans and cornbread. I placed the onions that he kept asking for on the table. He immediately grabbed two to three. Out of curiosity, I asked him why he thought our garden was the best he ever saw. He then said, “Christina, these onions taste so good with these soup beans and cornbread.” I just smiled.

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Peyton. The birth of my third love.

            I was in the hospital for a total of four days. It had felt like weeks. I woke up on the fourth day with excitement, only to find the clock was ticking so slowly. It was only three o’clock in the morning. I could hear each click of the minute hand. I had decided to lay mine and Peyton’s clothes out on the bench in the room. I lied back down in bed with caution. The pain from the surgery was radiating through my spine and stomach. It had felt like a huge semi truck had run over my entire body. Depending on the nurses for help, I felt like a baby myself. I was trying to relax my mind from the rambling thoughts of finally going home. I finally submitted to my body and fell asleep. About five hours later, I awoke. I had to use the bathroom and it takes some effort to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom after a cesarean section.  I heard a baby screaming down the hallway like a piercing sound of a jet. I knew it was my baby being delivered to my room. I was right. The anxious nurse shoved his bed on wheels through the door, yanks my bathroom door open and says to me, “We need to talk.” Here I am peeing, with the nurse talking to me such as my three year old son would do at home.

            I couldn’t possibly imagine what she was going to talk to me about. I was afraid I changed Peyton’s diaper wrong or something of that sort. She had told me my baby had somehow picked up a serious infection. Luckily we were there the four days for it to be found. The infection was Clostridium Difficile. An intestinal disease, that if untreated would result in death. My heart immediately dropped to the floor. She said the nursery was evacuated and my baby needed to be in my room. We were being quarantined. No one was allowed in or out without the thin, blue, paper like gowns and masks. My baby was screaming his head off. It reminded me of a siren on a police car. The nurse said she didn’t know what was wrong with him. At that point I was stunned in place and had no words to vomit out.  I immediately picked him up in my arms and the crying was gone. It was as silent as standing beneath the stars at night. It was me, him, and the fearful thoughts running through my chaotic mind. They had to transport Peyton to Johnson City Medical Center; there he would be living in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit until his infection was cleared. When I saw the infant incubator come to my room, the fear traveled through my mind to my heart. I was silently asking myself, how could this be? Tears were flowing down my face like Niagara Falls. We were supposed to be going home with him that day. Instead I was so numb with fear for my baby’s life that the tremendous pain from the surgery was absent and out of mind.

            The weather and outside environment was invisible to me as we followed him to the new hospital. Nothing else existed. Upon arrival, he was so large compared to all the other babies. I didn’t want to leave him. There I studied him head to toe. He was eight pounds 6 ounces, and twenty two inches long, with a strong bold personality. He had little hair, with a tiny chute on top of his head like the Gerber baby. His eyes were large, slightly oval, and glittered with love. They were blue like the day’s sky. His cheeks were so round that I couldn’t help to kiss them every second. He was a warm ball of cuteness that was hard to put down. He would look up at us, as if he was asking us with his baby glare, is everything going to be alright? When we did leave him, he would grip his daddy’s finger in his pudgy hand covered with dimples, as if he was telling us not to leave. It broke my heart into more pieces than a shattered vase. When I was imprisoned at home, due to the fact I was not allowed to drive, I was longing to be at the hospital with my tiny ball of love. I felt as though I was missing a part of me each night without him. I would close my eyes and see his loving face wanting us to stay with him. He looked like an abandoned puppy in the window of a pet shop.

            After 7 days of fear and lost without my baby, I finally got a phone call. It was a woman with an angelic voice, “Mrs. Falkenstein, I am calling to let you know that you can come take Peyton home now.” I then noticed the warmth and glow of the day. It was like a black and white movie to a colorful cartoon type of day. The dreadful shadow that lingered over me was immediately lifted. My lonely heart was overfilled with excitement and joy. My husband walked through the door and flashed a horrid, fearful face when I started to cry with the phone in my hand. He looked like he was in front of a fun house mirror. He had thought something was wrong. He was highly mistaken. They were tears of joy and excitement that my baby was well, and ready to come home. I will never forget the day the angelic voice made me whole again.

            Reading my story, one would think that I am the traditional 30 year old mother. I am definitely not. While pregnant, many people would stare at me as though the child was damned for life. I even had a few people with enough courage to come up to me and say, “Are you putting your child up for adoption? It’d be for the best.” I can remember standing in the line at Wal-mart purchasing my weekly craving of chocolate when the woman said this to me. Everyone around starred at me in anticipation for an answer of “yes”. I told the woman that I could never do that and how much I loved my baby from the start. Of course she rolled her eyes.

Now, I am 23 years old with two beautiful boys, and a loving husband. I see them as no burden, but an adventure and encouragement. I know I have to set good examples for my children. By completing high school and college, I am showing them that they can do anything, no matter what happens to them in their life. I skipped a huge part of my life and never look back. I knew what I was in for. Excited to say the least. Being a young mother is not all fun and games, it is tough and completely possible.

Ethan. My first little Bean.

I lived in Kingsport with my dad in a small apartment. He and my mom were divorced about two to three years before. We moved from Unicoi to Elizabethton, and then from Elizabethton to Kingsport. I drove all the time. I drove from Elizabethton to Unicoi for school because I didn’t want to change schools.  I finally changed schools when we moved to Kingsport. I still drove all the way to Johnson City to work. I was working at Whites Fresh Foods in Johnson City the month of January 2006. That is where I met my boyfriend, who is now my husband. I had just turned eighteen the month before. Four out of five of my siblings all had kids early in their lives. The relationships with their men/women didn’t last or were bad. I remember when I was a sophomore in high school, waiting for the bus, I had a good talk with God. I asked God to let me have a kid with the man I am supposed to be with for life. In return I promised him I would talk more about him with others. After the conversation, I looked up into the semi dark, morning sky, and a shooting star fell. The first one I have ever seen in my life. I knew God heard me and I will never forget that talk with God.

            Two years later, I was getting out of a bad relationship of two years. It reminded me of the relationships my siblings have had. The guy was abusive mentally and physically. Around November 2005 Robert helped me out of the relationship. He was my angel, my protector. It was easy to trust him, like he was there in my life for a reason. I knew after the first month of dating that I loved him, and he was the one. I dated him for two months and was (and still am) very much in love with him. Saturday January 14, 2006, I was driving from Kingsport to Johnson City to do shopping with my over-drawn bank account. Being young with a job makes us think we have infinite amounts of money to spend in the bank… very not true. I was shopping at Target when I got this shocking feeling. Something told me to take a pregnancy test. I wasn’t at all regular to begin with so I didn’t have any real reason to believe I was pregnant. I felt very normal, no morning sickness, or none of the first signs of pregnancy symptoms. Just a weird instinct telling me, buy a pregnancy test and use it.

            My parents always taught me to follow your instincts. I went to Target and bought a test. A ten dollar test cost me thirty dollars since I over drew my bank account. Money was no obligation, I had to know for sure. I got the test, went to Books-A-Million next door. I don’t know why I didn’t just take it at Target, but I went to Books-A-Million to take the test. The lighting in the stall was so dim, like horror. Hoping no one would come into the bathroom, I opened the box and began to read the instructions. The digital test took forever to complete. I sat there starring at the flashing hourglass. I was getting nervous, and could feel my heart race like a stampede of horses. I began to think to myself:  maybe I’m crazy, I didn’t have symptoms, what would Robert do or think, what would my dad think, and how would I tell them!?  Finally, I looked at the test and it was finished… the bold digital letters read “Pregnant”. I remember searching the tiny screen for the word “Not”. Sure enough it wasn’t to be found. Immediately I grabbed my mouth and said to myself aloud, “Oh my god, there is a baby in me. What do I do first?”

            I drove to Whites to see Robert. He was stocking Country Crock butter on the dairy isle. He looked happy to see me, and we started to talk about our day. I can’t remember what we talked about. I was busy trying to think of how I was going to tell him I was pregnant. After a few minutes of talking I just blurted out, “I need to tell you something, but need to wait until Monday to know for sure.” He responded, “Ok, why can’t you tell me now?” So I told him, “ The office I need to go to is closed on weekends.” I didn’t think he would even guess, but sure enough he did. “Your pregnant.” He said. I then looked at him shocked. Probably as shocked as I looked when I read the word “Pregnant” on the test. So I told him, “Yes. I took a test today.” The pregnancy was a shock to both of us. He reacted very differently than I had imagined he would. He smiled and his eyes glittered when he asked, “Well are you democratic or a republican?” I looked at him confused and answered, “I don’t know what the difference is between the two. If your asking me if I am for or against abortion, I am highly against!” He smiled even bigger and said, “Good! Me too, I’m going to be a daddy! I can’t believe it!” We both remained speechless at the moment. I was trying to soak it all in. 

            I didn’t know what to do next. We both went to the doctor together to confirm the test was right. Of course it was positive. I thought it was weird that all of this happened from an instinct. The doctor helped us get started. She recommended where to go next and what to do. The responsibility my mother was to have, but I wasn’t close to my mother at all. I went to my first appointment for the first ultrasound. Robert had to work, and knowing we were pregnant, he wasn’t going to miss a day. I didn’t think it would have been wise either. I was told I was two weeks along. She printed his first picture, he looked like a little bean. That’s what I called him from then on, my little bean.  I took his picture to Robert while he was on lunch. We both were just in awe.

            Then, I thought since I was almost one month pregnant, that I should tell one of my parents. I was still in high school and just eighteen after all. I was embarrassed to tell my dad. I’m a daughter of a Navy man and felt like a disappointment. I was his baby girl, supposed to marry a doctor, and go to law school. I knew he would sit at the table in our dining room and drink his cup of black coffee as usual. So, before I went to work that morning, I left a card with an ultrasound picture in it and it read, “Congratulations, you’re going to be a grandpa!” I could think of other things to say, such as, “I am sorry for disappointing you.” or “I’m sorry that I’m an embarrassment.” all day I was nervous about going home. Finally, I walked in and went to my bedroom. On my bed sat a yellow baby blanket and baby pillow. My dad walked in and asked, “You know you can tell me anything don’t you?” I replied with teary eyes, “Yes, I was just embarrassed.” I was relieved to have that all over with. It is always awkward for a father and a daughter to talk about boys, love, and of course being pregnant. I constantly was talking about my little bean to everyone. Every time I talked and thought of him, I thanked God for such a wonderful gift.

            I don’t remember much about the nine months. I remember many life-changing decisions occurred and I got really huge. I remained in school for the first semester and was just so scared of what people would say about me being pregnant. I was afraid of getting pushed around in the busy hall ways. I was sleeping in class all the time, and failed Algebra II several times. I just got upset and never went back. Robert found a small apartment. His mother still didn’t know about anything, not even about the apartment. I just had a feeling telling her was going to be a nightmare. It was. I moved into our little home without second guessing myself. I wanted to be living with Robert as soon as possible so that he could experience the pregnancy with me. I want to say that having Ethan, my first born bean, has changed my life for the good. My mind grew to adulthood when I was just a teenager. I went through so much from eighteen to now that most women wouldn’t even start until their thirties.

            September 2006 came along. It flew by quickly for me, or so it seems like it did today. I was scheduled to be induced on the 20^th of September. I wasn’t due until October, but they thought my bean was getting too big. I went from ninety pounds to one hundred and eighty. They estimated my bean to weigh six pounds and some ounces, so it was o.k. to get induced early. I didn’t sleep at all and the doctor told me I couldn’t eat after eight o’clock the night before. How could I sleep? I was going to meet the bean that has been jumping around inside me.  We got up at five o’clock in the morning on the 20^th and went to the hospital to get started. They hooked me up to all the monitors and started to induce my contractions. I was in active labor for a good fourteen and a half hours and was getting delusional. I remember not being able to hold my eyes open or hear what the doctors were saying. It was getting scary. That’s when the doctor decided to do an emergency cesarean section. My baby was stuck and I was too weak to help him any further. My reality started to fade away. I wasn’t able to sign the consent form for them to operate.

            I was getting very loony when they were prepping me for surgery. I thought the doctors were aliens and were trying to kill me. They decided to put me to sleep with anesthesia. I saw the lights brighten above me, I thought I was dieing. I woke up in my room. I was still loony and half way in an alien dream. I started yelling at the nurse that was pressing on my stomach , telling her not to kill me. Then I realized what was really going on. I had surgery and there was no baby inside me. I saw a blur next to my bed. The blur was my husband holding our baby. I had to touch their faces to make sure they were real. To make sure I wasn’t still in dream land. I looked at the clock on the wall that was dancing around. I couldn’t really hold the sight of it in one spot. I wanted to hold my baby bean so bad that I  forced that clock to hold still.

            When my husband placed him in my arms, I began to cry. He was a part of me. He is the one that knows my heart’s song from the inside. Holding him I immediately felt love. I couldn’t believe my little bean was here and he was mine. He was a healthy eight pound two ounce baby boy, who already had changed two lives and was only a few hours old. I will never forget the long, hard journey of our little bean from God. He has taught me so much and I thought I would be the one doing all the teaching. Giving up my teenage years was completely worth it. I would not change one thing in my life. I am where I am supposed to be, with my growing son who now has a brother. A family of four with much love to give each other and many things to teach on another as well.

Mornings of a Young Mother.

Today is the five hundredth day of having to get up at six o'clock in the morning. Who knew that school days would be preparing you for parenting! I love being a stay at home mom. But, where are the days of sleeping in that you always look forward to when your out of school!!! My one year old, Peyton will wake up by my side... I will put him in his play pin since he gets into way to much stuff that I have the energy to stay on guard at six o'clock in the morning and he will be soooo content in there until he see's my eyes close. He will Squeal like a banshee making sure I keep my eyes open. Now, my four year old, Ethan, he is pretty good at getting up, turning on cartoons, and keeping quiet. But, he will constantly repeat himself all morning "Momma, I'm hungry." I feed this boy, but he so picky it's no wonder why he constantly stays hungry!! He literally lives on Mac and Cheese, Peanut Butter with occasionally Jelly (mostly marshmallow fluff) sandwiches, and fruit snacks. Here recently he has eaten Spaghetti a few times but it has to only have noodles and tomato (thin no chunks).

 So there basically is NO squeezing in an extra 15 minutes of sleep no matter how hard I try to. I have no idea why I fight everyday to attempt this. Being 23 makes it seem that this energy problem is a no brainer.. but I swear the theory of kids aging you is soooo correct. and to get a laugh I want more babies than just the two I got!! Hahaha. I can't stand routines.. I am an absolute routine hater. I like new and different things and ways. I am great at the unexpected events that children make you face.