I lived in Kingsport with my dad in a small apartment. He and my mom were divorced about two to three years before. We moved from Unicoi to Elizabethton, and then from Elizabethton to Kingsport. I drove all the time. I drove from Elizabethton to Unicoi for school because I didn’t want to change schools. I finally changed schools when we moved to Kingsport. I still drove all the way to Johnson City to work. I was working at Whites Fresh Foods in Johnson City the month of January 2006. That is where I met my boyfriend, who is now my husband. I had just turned eighteen the month before. Four out of five of my siblings all had kids early in their lives. The relationships with their men/women didn’t last or were bad. I remember when I was a sophomore in high school, waiting for the bus, I had a good talk with God. I asked God to let me have a kid with the man I am supposed to be with for life. In return I promised him I would talk more about him with others. After the conversation, I looked up into the semi dark, morning sky, and a shooting star fell. The first one I have ever seen in my life. I knew God heard me and I will never forget that talk with God.
Two years later, I was getting out of a bad relationship of two years. It reminded me of the relationships my siblings have had. The guy was abusive mentally and physically. Around November 2005 Robert helped me out of the relationship. He was my angel, my protector. It was easy to trust him, like he was there in my life for a reason. I knew after the first month of dating that I loved him, and he was the one. I dated him for two months and was (and still am) very much in love with him. Saturday January 14, 2006, I was driving from Kingsport to Johnson City to do shopping with my over-drawn bank account. Being young with a job makes us think we have infinite amounts of money to spend in the bank… very not true. I was shopping at Target when I got this shocking feeling. Something told me to take a pregnancy test. I wasn’t at all regular to begin with so I didn’t have any real reason to believe I was pregnant. I felt very normal, no morning sickness, or none of the first signs of pregnancy symptoms. Just a weird instinct telling me, buy a pregnancy test and use it.
My parents always taught me to follow your instincts. I went to Target and bought a test. A ten dollar test cost me thirty dollars since I over drew my bank account. Money was no obligation, I had to know for sure. I got the test, went to Books-A-Million next door. I don’t know why I didn’t just take it at Target, but I went to Books-A-Million to take the test. The lighting in the stall was so dim, like horror. Hoping no one would come into the bathroom, I opened the box and began to read the instructions. The digital test took forever to complete. I sat there starring at the flashing hourglass. I was getting nervous, and could feel my heart race like a stampede of horses. I began to think to myself: maybe I’m crazy, I didn’t have symptoms, what would Robert do or think, what would my dad think, and how would I tell them!? Finally, I looked at the test and it was finished… the bold digital letters read “Pregnant”. I remember searching the tiny screen for the word “Not”. Sure enough it wasn’t to be found. Immediately I grabbed my mouth and said to myself aloud, “Oh my god, there is a baby in me. What do I do first?”
I drove to Whites to see Robert. He was stocking Country Crock butter on the dairy isle. He looked happy to see me, and we started to talk about our day. I can’t remember what we talked about. I was busy trying to think of how I was going to tell him I was pregnant. After a few minutes of talking I just blurted out, “I need to tell you something, but need to wait until Monday to know for sure.” He responded, “Ok, why can’t you tell me now?” So I told him, “ The office I need to go to is closed on weekends.” I didn’t think he would even guess, but sure enough he did. “Your pregnant.” He said. I then looked at him shocked. Probably as shocked as I looked when I read the word “Pregnant” on the test. So I told him, “Yes. I took a test today.” The pregnancy was a shock to both of us. He reacted very differently than I had imagined he would. He smiled and his eyes glittered when he asked, “Well are you democratic or a republican?” I looked at him confused and answered, “I don’t know what the difference is between the two. If your asking me if I am for or against abortion, I am highly against!” He smiled even bigger and said, “Good! Me too, I’m going to be a daddy! I can’t believe it!” We both remained speechless at the moment. I was trying to soak it all in.
I didn’t know what to do next. We both went to the doctor together to confirm the test was right. Of course it was positive. I thought it was weird that all of this happened from an instinct. The doctor helped us get started. She recommended where to go next and what to do. The responsibility my mother was to have, but I wasn’t close to my mother at all. I went to my first appointment for the first ultrasound. Robert had to work, and knowing we were pregnant, he wasn’t going to miss a day. I didn’t think it would have been wise either. I was told I was two weeks along. She printed his first picture, he looked like a little bean. That’s what I called him from then on, my little bean. I took his picture to Robert while he was on lunch. We both were just in awe.
Then, I thought since I was almost one month pregnant, that I should tell one of my parents. I was still in high school and just eighteen after all. I was embarrassed to tell my dad. I’m a daughter of a Navy man and felt like a disappointment. I was his baby girl, supposed to marry a doctor, and go to law school. I knew he would sit at the table in our dining room and drink his cup of black coffee as usual. So, before I went to work that morning, I left a card with an ultrasound picture in it and it read, “Congratulations, you’re going to be a grandpa!” I could think of other things to say, such as, “I am sorry for disappointing you.” or “I’m sorry that I’m an embarrassment.” all day I was nervous about going home. Finally, I walked in and went to my bedroom. On my bed sat a yellow baby blanket and baby pillow. My dad walked in and asked, “You know you can tell me anything don’t you?” I replied with teary eyes, “Yes, I was just embarrassed.” I was relieved to have that all over with. It is always awkward for a father and a daughter to talk about boys, love, and of course being pregnant. I constantly was talking about my little bean to everyone. Every time I talked and thought of him, I thanked God for such a wonderful gift.
I don’t remember much about the nine months. I remember many life-changing decisions occurred and I got really huge. I remained in school for the first semester and was just so scared of what people would say about me being pregnant. I was afraid of getting pushed around in the busy hall ways. I was sleeping in class all the time, and failed Algebra II several times. I just got upset and never went back. Robert found a small apartment. His mother still didn’t know about anything, not even about the apartment. I just had a feeling telling her was going to be a nightmare. It was. I moved into our little home without second guessing myself. I wanted to be living with Robert as soon as possible so that he could experience the pregnancy with me. I want to say that having Ethan, my first born bean, has changed my life for the good. My mind grew to adulthood when I was just a teenager. I went through so much from eighteen to now that most women wouldn’t even start until their thirties.
September 2006 came along. It flew by quickly for me, or so it seems like it did today. I was scheduled to be induced on the 20th of September. I wasn’t due until October, but they thought my bean was getting too big. I went from ninety pounds to one hundred and eighty. They estimated my bean to weigh six pounds and some ounces, so it was o.k. to get induced early. I didn’t sleep at all and the doctor told me I couldn’t eat after eight o’clock the night before. How could I sleep? I was going to meet the bean that has been jumping around inside me. We got up at five o’clock in the morning on the 20th and went to the hospital to get started. They hooked me up to all the monitors and started to induce my contractions. I was in active labor for a good fourteen and a half hours and was getting delusional. I remember not being able to hold my eyes open or hear what the doctors were saying. It was getting scary. That’s when the doctor decided to do an emergency cesarean section. My baby was stuck and I was too weak to help him any further. My reality started to fade away. I wasn’t able to sign the consent form for them to operate.
I was getting very loony when they were prepping me for surgery. I thought the doctors were aliens and were trying to kill me. They decided to put me to sleep with anesthesia. I saw the lights brighten above me, I thought I was dieing. I woke up in my room. I was still loony and half way in an alien dream. I started yelling at the nurse that was pressing on my stomach , telling her not to kill me. Then I realized what was really going on. I had surgery and there was no baby inside me. I saw a blur next to my bed. The blur was my husband holding our baby. I had to touch their faces to make sure they were real. To make sure I wasn’t still in dream land. I looked at the clock on the wall that was dancing around. I couldn’t really hold the sight of it in one spot. I wanted to hold my baby bean so bad that I forced that clock to hold still.
When my husband placed him in my arms, I began to cry. He was a part of me. He is the one that knows my heart’s song from the inside. Holding him I immediately felt love. I couldn’t believe my little bean was here and he was mine. He was a healthy eight pound two ounce baby boy, who already had changed two lives and was only a few hours old. I will never forget the long, hard journey of our little bean from God. He has taught me so much and I thought I would be the one doing all the teaching. Giving up my teenage years was completely worth it. I would not change one thing in my life. I am where I am supposed to be, with my growing son who now has a brother. A family of four with much love to give each other and many things to teach on another as well.
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